Family Feuds and Communication - Study 2/2/12
Family Feuds and Communication
The hardest pains we often experience are the ones we inflict on one another in the family. Granted that family relationship is like contact sport, we are bound to clash at one time or the other. There is no perfect family but He is perfecting us. We all at one time or the other have said something to a family member that is not true and it hurts them deeply. It is even worse within the marriage relationship but it extends to the rest of our family units - the immediate family, the extended family and the Church family. I have heard such words as “I will never come back to this family again because of what so and so said to me”. I (you probably do too) know some who have acted on those words and have never been back to their family.
Why do we do that to each other? Can’t we do better than that and treat each other with love and understanding? Can’t we choose our words carefully and ask if what I am about to say is true and how can I say it in love? And what is the proper way to deal with those hurtful words? “A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness” (Proverbs 15:1-2).
In our study today, Apostle Paul is dealing with some deep hurtful things that have been said or reported to him. We know that it hurts deeply because Paul calls God as his witness vs.23. In love, Paul confronts the Corinthians not with fighting insult with insult but with genuine heartfelt communication and explanations. Let’s keep in mind that Paul has established and reminded the Corinthians that he is in the same family with them, same father –“our father” vs. 2 and he goes on to call them “brothers and sisters” vs.8.
What were the things some of the Corinthians said about Paul? How did Paul explain it? Life and relationships in general boil down to good communication between us. It is a matter of having some honest conversations. God is the best communicator. He did not want us guessing His mind so He wrote and gave us the Bible. Then He came in the person of His Son Jesus Christ to not only die for us but to speak to us. In addition, He gave us the ultimate communicator, the Holy Spirit whom Christ said “When He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come” (John 16:12-13. God, our Father goes us to invite us to talk to Him through prayer (Pray without ceasing).
In the same way, we should not be making assumptions and guessing what is in other person’s mind and basing our actions on wrong assumptions. Can’t we just talk and ask questions and explain ourselves and understand what the other is saying and the reason behind it? We must stop imputing motives to other people’s actions without asking questions. Apostle Paul talked, wrote, and conversed with the Corinthians. May God help us to do the same in dealing with misunderstandings in our relationships. Amen.
2 Corinthians 1: 1-2, 12-24 (Please read the entire chapter)
1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To the church of God in Corinth, together with all the saints throughout Achaia: 2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. ……
12 Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace. 13 For we do not write you anything you cannot read or understand. And I hope that, 14 as you have understood us in part, you will come to understand fully that you can boast of us just as we will boast of you in the day of the Lord Jesus.
15 Because I was confident of this, I planned to visit you first so that you might benefit twice. 16 I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say, “Yes, yes” and “No, no”?
18 But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas[b] and Timothy, was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
23 I call God as my witness that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. 24 Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.
Here are my observations in addition to the ones you may have:
1. First, Paul deals with the accusation that he is not a true apostle. He categorically debunks this at the beginning of the letter and will spend more time on this later in the Epistle. “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God” vs. 1. We know he did not make this up. Check out how he became an apostle on his way to Damascus to persecute Christians (Acts 9).
2. Next Paul addresses those who assassinated his character. “Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace”.vs.12. Paul is saying, our relationship (meaning Paul, Silas and Timothy) has been out of God’s grace or enabled by Grace. We did not come to you in our own wisdom but the wisdom of God. The way of the world is the way of enriching self and putting down the other party. But we did not do that. We have been gracious to you. Paul spent a year and half in Corinth and worked to support himself (Acts 18). Can we be gracious to one another please!
3. There were false teachers among the Corinthians who accused Paul of teaching things that were hard to understand. Paul responds by saying “For we do not write you anything you cannot read or understand. And I hope that, 14 as you have understood us in part, you will come to understand fully that you can boast of us just as we will boast of you in the day of the Lord Jesus” vs. 13-14. Paul is saying “we came to you with the simplicity of the gospel which you have understood in part but hopefully you will understand fully on the day the Lord Jesus returns for us. We all know in part now but we will fully know all things when we see Jesus.
4. Apostle Paul was accused of being wishy-washy. Paul had planned to visit but did not come as he had said. Therefore, he was accused of being unreliable and that his words cannot be taken seriously. Paul again explains himself. “Because I was confident of this, I planned to visit you first so that you might benefit twice. 16 I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say, “Yes, yes” and “No, no”? vs. 15-17. “ Paul says, I move by the Holy Spirit, though I may make my own plans. “I call God as my witness that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth” vs.23 and 2 Cor. 2:1-2
5. Paul was accused of being overbearing and domineering. This was far from the truth. Paul responds, “24 Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm” vs.24. Paul says, I spent 18 months with you, I was not a dictator. Yes, I preached to you, but you stand by faith in God just as I stand. I do not own you and never will. Corinthians, you belong to God. “Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” vs.21
6. We must watch out and run from those who would like to claim ownership of us in the faith. You hear such things as “I am under the covering of so and so pastor or prophet”. We are only under the covering of God. These people take pride in the flock of Jesus. These so called men and women of God love to be worshipped and called “daddy in the faith” but they are not willing to do any of the things a father in faith like Paul did such as risk their lives. Rather, they love to quote “touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm” as if you and I are not anointed. No one is above questioning.
Apostle Paul will spend more time explaining himself to the Corinthians as we will see in the rest of the Letter. He was not perfect but he has shown us how to handle criticisms and harsh words in the family. He would write the Ephesians and say, “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”… 25 Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,”[e] for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”:[f] do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil”. Ephesians 4:1-3, 25-27. Paul lived what he preached.
Are you and I in any sticky relationship among our family members? It can change when we obey the Holy Spirit and have some honest conversations. It is not going to be easy initially and we may not do it in the right tone as Jonathan reminded me yesterday. He forgot to eat because he was playing computer games. I tried to talk to him and he started crying. “Daddy you are angry speaking to me”. I am now on the defensive, I so am learning.
God will help us as we pray and rely on Him. Let us not “give place to the devil” in our families because we refused to talk, write, email and communicate. Will you do something? Make a difference in your family.
Lord, forgive me for the times I have said unkind things to my wife and other family members. I pray that by your grace that enables me, that I will answer with “soft words” and ask questions and have honest conversations with those who misunderstand me and those I misunderstand. Help me Lord. Amen.
The hardest pains we often experience are the ones we inflict on one another in the family. Granted that family relationship is like contact sport, we are bound to clash at one time or the other. There is no perfect family but He is perfecting us. We all at one time or the other have said something to a family member that is not true and it hurts them deeply. It is even worse within the marriage relationship but it extends to the rest of our family units - the immediate family, the extended family and the Church family. I have heard such words as “I will never come back to this family again because of what so and so said to me”. I (you probably do too) know some who have acted on those words and have never been back to their family.
Why do we do that to each other? Can’t we do better than that and treat each other with love and understanding? Can’t we choose our words carefully and ask if what I am about to say is true and how can I say it in love? And what is the proper way to deal with those hurtful words? “A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness” (Proverbs 15:1-2).
In our study today, Apostle Paul is dealing with some deep hurtful things that have been said or reported to him. We know that it hurts deeply because Paul calls God as his witness vs.23. In love, Paul confronts the Corinthians not with fighting insult with insult but with genuine heartfelt communication and explanations. Let’s keep in mind that Paul has established and reminded the Corinthians that he is in the same family with them, same father –“our father” vs. 2 and he goes on to call them “brothers and sisters” vs.8.
What were the things some of the Corinthians said about Paul? How did Paul explain it? Life and relationships in general boil down to good communication between us. It is a matter of having some honest conversations. God is the best communicator. He did not want us guessing His mind so He wrote and gave us the Bible. Then He came in the person of His Son Jesus Christ to not only die for us but to speak to us. In addition, He gave us the ultimate communicator, the Holy Spirit whom Christ said “When He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come” (John 16:12-13. God, our Father goes us to invite us to talk to Him through prayer (Pray without ceasing).
In the same way, we should not be making assumptions and guessing what is in other person’s mind and basing our actions on wrong assumptions. Can’t we just talk and ask questions and explain ourselves and understand what the other is saying and the reason behind it? We must stop imputing motives to other people’s actions without asking questions. Apostle Paul talked, wrote, and conversed with the Corinthians. May God help us to do the same in dealing with misunderstandings in our relationships. Amen.
2 Corinthians 1: 1-2, 12-24 (Please read the entire chapter)
1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To the church of God in Corinth, together with all the saints throughout Achaia: 2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. ……
12 Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace. 13 For we do not write you anything you cannot read or understand. And I hope that, 14 as you have understood us in part, you will come to understand fully that you can boast of us just as we will boast of you in the day of the Lord Jesus.
15 Because I was confident of this, I planned to visit you first so that you might benefit twice. 16 I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say, “Yes, yes” and “No, no”?
18 But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas[b] and Timothy, was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
23 I call God as my witness that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. 24 Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.
Here are my observations in addition to the ones you may have:
1. First, Paul deals with the accusation that he is not a true apostle. He categorically debunks this at the beginning of the letter and will spend more time on this later in the Epistle. “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God” vs. 1. We know he did not make this up. Check out how he became an apostle on his way to Damascus to persecute Christians (Acts 9).
2. Next Paul addresses those who assassinated his character. “Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace”.vs.12. Paul is saying, our relationship (meaning Paul, Silas and Timothy) has been out of God’s grace or enabled by Grace. We did not come to you in our own wisdom but the wisdom of God. The way of the world is the way of enriching self and putting down the other party. But we did not do that. We have been gracious to you. Paul spent a year and half in Corinth and worked to support himself (Acts 18). Can we be gracious to one another please!
3. There were false teachers among the Corinthians who accused Paul of teaching things that were hard to understand. Paul responds by saying “For we do not write you anything you cannot read or understand. And I hope that, 14 as you have understood us in part, you will come to understand fully that you can boast of us just as we will boast of you in the day of the Lord Jesus” vs. 13-14. Paul is saying “we came to you with the simplicity of the gospel which you have understood in part but hopefully you will understand fully on the day the Lord Jesus returns for us. We all know in part now but we will fully know all things when we see Jesus.
4. Apostle Paul was accused of being wishy-washy. Paul had planned to visit but did not come as he had said. Therefore, he was accused of being unreliable and that his words cannot be taken seriously. Paul again explains himself. “Because I was confident of this, I planned to visit you first so that you might benefit twice. 16 I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say, “Yes, yes” and “No, no”? vs. 15-17. “ Paul says, I move by the Holy Spirit, though I may make my own plans. “I call God as my witness that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth” vs.23 and 2 Cor. 2:1-2
5. Paul was accused of being overbearing and domineering. This was far from the truth. Paul responds, “24 Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm” vs.24. Paul says, I spent 18 months with you, I was not a dictator. Yes, I preached to you, but you stand by faith in God just as I stand. I do not own you and never will. Corinthians, you belong to God. “Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” vs.21
6. We must watch out and run from those who would like to claim ownership of us in the faith. You hear such things as “I am under the covering of so and so pastor or prophet”. We are only under the covering of God. These people take pride in the flock of Jesus. These so called men and women of God love to be worshipped and called “daddy in the faith” but they are not willing to do any of the things a father in faith like Paul did such as risk their lives. Rather, they love to quote “touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm” as if you and I are not anointed. No one is above questioning.
Apostle Paul will spend more time explaining himself to the Corinthians as we will see in the rest of the Letter. He was not perfect but he has shown us how to handle criticisms and harsh words in the family. He would write the Ephesians and say, “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”… 25 Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,”[e] for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”:[f] do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil”. Ephesians 4:1-3, 25-27. Paul lived what he preached.
Are you and I in any sticky relationship among our family members? It can change when we obey the Holy Spirit and have some honest conversations. It is not going to be easy initially and we may not do it in the right tone as Jonathan reminded me yesterday. He forgot to eat because he was playing computer games. I tried to talk to him and he started crying. “Daddy you are angry speaking to me”. I am now on the defensive, I so am learning.
God will help us as we pray and rely on Him. Let us not “give place to the devil” in our families because we refused to talk, write, email and communicate. Will you do something? Make a difference in your family.
Lord, forgive me for the times I have said unkind things to my wife and other family members. I pray that by your grace that enables me, that I will answer with “soft words” and ask questions and have honest conversations with those who misunderstand me and those I misunderstand. Help me Lord. Amen.
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