The Gift of Singleness - Study 8/11/11
The Gift of Singleness
I can guess what some of you are thinking right now. “Lord, if singleness is a gift please give me a different gift”. Well, if you are responding in like manner, you probably do have this gift of singleness though you may not be single forever. What does the Scripture teach about this permanent state for some and temporary state for others? What is singleness? How are we to live as singles? Is singleness more superior/spiritual to being married?
In 1 Corinthians 7, Apostle Paul addresses the Corinthian church and answers their question of whether they should separate from their marriages and remain single and if not already married, whether they even should get married in light of the prevailing norm in Corinth. Next week we will study the issue of separation and divorce. For our study today we will focus on singleness. The prevailing norm in the city of Corinth was that you can do anything with your body since it did not matter. The Scriptural mandate is still the same for both the single and the married. “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[c] and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1corinthians 6:20).
1 Corinthians 7:1-16
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. 18 Was anyone called while circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters. 20 Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. 21 Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it. 22 For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called while free is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called.
25 Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, 31 and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is[a] a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin,[b] does well. 38 So then he who gives her[c] in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God.
Here are my observations in addition to the ones you may have:
1. Apostle Paul continues to answer the questions from a letter written to him from the Corinthian Church. “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me” vs.1. Last week we studied the issue of the need for sex in marriage and God’s intent for oneness in marriage. Now let’s look at the specific comments by Paul on singleness. Keep in mind what prompted these questions. Satan always works to sabotage what God has made through lies.
2. Having counseled the married couples, Paul goes on to say, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that”. We know that at the time of writing, Paul was single. We can only make inference as to whether he was ever married because the Scripture was silent on this. Some believe that Paul was married and had to have been married being an observant Jew (Philippians 3:4-6). We also know that Paul implied that he was a member of the Sanhedrin (Acts 26:10) and you had to be married to be one. So if Paul was married, what happened to his wife? It is either that the wife had died before or after Paul had converted to Christianity. It is also possible that his wife left him when he converted to Christianity. All of these are possible explanations? When you throw in the fact that if he was married, then where are the children if any? I don’t have answer for either of these questions. When we get to heaven we will ask Paul. For now, we are sure that he was single at the time of writing and for the rest of his life.
3. What is this gift Paul was speaking about? “But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that”. I believe it is the same way that God has given us His Holy Spirit and gifts of the Spirit. The gift of God is available for us to exercise our faith toward Him and to be able to live as we should live in honor to God. There is a gift of singleness and a gift of being married. Everything we have or are is a gift from God. The single defined here as the never married, the yet to be married, the widower and the widowed, and the legally divorced. The never married are made of those who will never marry and they know it and have chosen to be that way. I know of a dear brother who is in this category and he is ever happy with his state. These are the people Jesus referred as the eunuchs while answering questions on marriage and divorce. “11 But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: 12 For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it”. Matthew 19:11-12. Again, Jesus hints of a “gifting” for singleness just like Paul – “only those to whom it has been given” to be eunuchs. Are you are eunuch? If you are you probably know it by now. We thank God for you.
4. Why is Apostle Paul advocating for singleness while at the same time not condemning being married? Is being single more superior or more spiritual than being married? Not at all? For Paul singleness at this time is working best for him. He is not worried about being thrown into jail for the gospel sake. If Paul was married at this time, he would be worrying about who he left behind when and as often as he was thrown into jail. There is focus for the single person for serving God. Not superior but different just like the married caring for his/her family is also serving the Lord. “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife” vs. 32-33. There are benefits on both sides. This is why Paul says, “But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk” vs.17. Let us serve God in whatever state we are whether married or single (permanently or temporarily).
5. When it comes to singleness, Apostle Paul recognizes that there comes a time when the rubber hits the road. It is the moment of reality. 8 “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” vs.8-9. The operative words here are “self –control” and “burn”. Back in Corinth then, many were not exercising self-control and thus were hiring prostitutes to meet there sexual desires. Someone commented that there is a different between “burn” and “heat”. You may feel the heat (which is the natural sex derive) but you don’t have to allow yourself to be burnt (literally) with passion to the extent of going to a prostitutes or anyone other than your wife/husband. The answer Paul says is “Get married quick”. I will advise the same to our single brothers who are hanging on the fence of indecision, please get married quickly. Stop looking for Miss Perfect Manner and Figure because you will not find any ever. What about our single sisters who are not called to permanent singleness? God has given you this gift for now and I believe in his own time He will give you your own husband. God’s grace is sufficient for us at all times. Enjoy this state of singleness and do not look forward to joining the club of some who are married and now are wishing to be single.
6. In vs. 25-28, Paul addresses parents of young singles (virgins both male and female). Then they used to arrange the marriages, so Paul says, it is not sin to give your daughter away for marriage or help your son get married to a girl of interest. I believe it is still a sound advice today. To the extent we can help our young people to get married, let’s do so. “But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry vs.36. The word “improperly” here is not referring to sin but improper to the natural desires to get married. Marriage is still honorable and likewise singleness.
Are you single permanently or temporarily? Glorify God in every state.
Lord, I thank you for every single brother and sister in Christ. I thank you for the gift you have given them for this state of their lives. I also thank you for the enablement by your Holy Spirit to live out an honoring single life in this day and age. For the temporary singles, Lord, please answer their prayers for having their own wife or husband. May we all married or single live to glorify you in our bodies and spirits. Amen.
I can guess what some of you are thinking right now. “Lord, if singleness is a gift please give me a different gift”. Well, if you are responding in like manner, you probably do have this gift of singleness though you may not be single forever. What does the Scripture teach about this permanent state for some and temporary state for others? What is singleness? How are we to live as singles? Is singleness more superior/spiritual to being married?
In 1 Corinthians 7, Apostle Paul addresses the Corinthian church and answers their question of whether they should separate from their marriages and remain single and if not already married, whether they even should get married in light of the prevailing norm in Corinth. Next week we will study the issue of separation and divorce. For our study today we will focus on singleness. The prevailing norm in the city of Corinth was that you can do anything with your body since it did not matter. The Scriptural mandate is still the same for both the single and the married. “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[c] and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1corinthians 6:20).
1 Corinthians 7:1-16
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. 18 Was anyone called while circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters. 20 Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. 21 Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it. 22 For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called while free is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called.
25 Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, 31 and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is[a] a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin,[b] does well. 38 So then he who gives her[c] in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God.
Here are my observations in addition to the ones you may have:
1. Apostle Paul continues to answer the questions from a letter written to him from the Corinthian Church. “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me” vs.1. Last week we studied the issue of the need for sex in marriage and God’s intent for oneness in marriage. Now let’s look at the specific comments by Paul on singleness. Keep in mind what prompted these questions. Satan always works to sabotage what God has made through lies.
2. Having counseled the married couples, Paul goes on to say, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that”. We know that at the time of writing, Paul was single. We can only make inference as to whether he was ever married because the Scripture was silent on this. Some believe that Paul was married and had to have been married being an observant Jew (Philippians 3:4-6). We also know that Paul implied that he was a member of the Sanhedrin (Acts 26:10) and you had to be married to be one. So if Paul was married, what happened to his wife? It is either that the wife had died before or after Paul had converted to Christianity. It is also possible that his wife left him when he converted to Christianity. All of these are possible explanations? When you throw in the fact that if he was married, then where are the children if any? I don’t have answer for either of these questions. When we get to heaven we will ask Paul. For now, we are sure that he was single at the time of writing and for the rest of his life.
3. What is this gift Paul was speaking about? “But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that”. I believe it is the same way that God has given us His Holy Spirit and gifts of the Spirit. The gift of God is available for us to exercise our faith toward Him and to be able to live as we should live in honor to God. There is a gift of singleness and a gift of being married. Everything we have or are is a gift from God. The single defined here as the never married, the yet to be married, the widower and the widowed, and the legally divorced. The never married are made of those who will never marry and they know it and have chosen to be that way. I know of a dear brother who is in this category and he is ever happy with his state. These are the people Jesus referred as the eunuchs while answering questions on marriage and divorce. “11 But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: 12 For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it”. Matthew 19:11-12. Again, Jesus hints of a “gifting” for singleness just like Paul – “only those to whom it has been given” to be eunuchs. Are you are eunuch? If you are you probably know it by now. We thank God for you.
4. Why is Apostle Paul advocating for singleness while at the same time not condemning being married? Is being single more superior or more spiritual than being married? Not at all? For Paul singleness at this time is working best for him. He is not worried about being thrown into jail for the gospel sake. If Paul was married at this time, he would be worrying about who he left behind when and as often as he was thrown into jail. There is focus for the single person for serving God. Not superior but different just like the married caring for his/her family is also serving the Lord. “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife” vs. 32-33. There are benefits on both sides. This is why Paul says, “But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk” vs.17. Let us serve God in whatever state we are whether married or single (permanently or temporarily).
5. When it comes to singleness, Apostle Paul recognizes that there comes a time when the rubber hits the road. It is the moment of reality. 8 “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” vs.8-9. The operative words here are “self –control” and “burn”. Back in Corinth then, many were not exercising self-control and thus were hiring prostitutes to meet there sexual desires. Someone commented that there is a different between “burn” and “heat”. You may feel the heat (which is the natural sex derive) but you don’t have to allow yourself to be burnt (literally) with passion to the extent of going to a prostitutes or anyone other than your wife/husband. The answer Paul says is “Get married quick”. I will advise the same to our single brothers who are hanging on the fence of indecision, please get married quickly. Stop looking for Miss Perfect Manner and Figure because you will not find any ever. What about our single sisters who are not called to permanent singleness? God has given you this gift for now and I believe in his own time He will give you your own husband. God’s grace is sufficient for us at all times. Enjoy this state of singleness and do not look forward to joining the club of some who are married and now are wishing to be single.
6. In vs. 25-28, Paul addresses parents of young singles (virgins both male and female). Then they used to arrange the marriages, so Paul says, it is not sin to give your daughter away for marriage or help your son get married to a girl of interest. I believe it is still a sound advice today. To the extent we can help our young people to get married, let’s do so. “But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry vs.36. The word “improperly” here is not referring to sin but improper to the natural desires to get married. Marriage is still honorable and likewise singleness.
Are you single permanently or temporarily? Glorify God in every state.
Lord, I thank you for every single brother and sister in Christ. I thank you for the gift you have given them for this state of their lives. I also thank you for the enablement by your Holy Spirit to live out an honoring single life in this day and age. For the temporary singles, Lord, please answer their prayers for having their own wife or husband. May we all married or single live to glorify you in our bodies and spirits. Amen.
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